A Rangers fan and Celtic fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Rangers fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears.

The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the
Rangers fan announces that it was him.

"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the 'Gers fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Celtic fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Celtic fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Rangers fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney."

The Pope and the Queen attend the Old Firm Clash at Celtic park, the pope turns to the Queen and asks her if she wants to see 60,000 Celtic fans cheer, so the pope stands up and raises his hand, the Celtic fans stand up and cheer to show their acknowledgement.

The Pope and the queen attend the next Old Firm game at Ibrox and the queen turns to the Pope and asks if he wants to see 50,000 blue noses cheer, He says ok and the Queen sticks the head on him.

A female celtic fan goes to the council to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the celtic fan
"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Declan, Declan, Declan, Declan, Declan, Declan, Declan, Declan, Declan and Declan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." she says "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout DECLAAAN, YER DINNER'S READY or DECLAN GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," she says... "I just use their surnames"

A Celtic fan wearing his hoopy top walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking' for a job".

The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter.

You'll have to drive around in a big black
Mercedes, uniform provided. Because of the long hours of this job meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year".

The Celtic fan said "You're bullsh*tting me!". The man behind the counter said "Well you f*ckin' started it!".

Neil Lennon died and went to heaven. God showed him to his new dwelling and it was a rundown shack with with an old tattered Tri Colour hanging over the front door. Lennon wasn't too happy with this at all. He looked off into the distance and saw a beautiful mansion with a massive Union Jack hanging over the doorway. Lennon thinks to himself, "Walter Smith must have died too" and so he says to God, "I don't mean to be ungrateful, but how come Walter gets that gorgeous mansion for a home and all I get is this rundown shack?"
God replied, "That's not Walter,s home, that's mine!."



Q: Why do Celtic fans whistle whilst sitting on the bog?
A: So they know which end to wipe
                                                                                                                                                                         

Georgio Samaras wife wanted him locked up - she had had enough of the eejit.
So she went to the police and told them: "Please Help, my husband has been hitting me."
The Police gave sound advice: "Ma'm, don't worry. Just carry a goalpost in each hand - I guarantee he'll never hit you.



Q: Why do Septic fans plant potatoes round the edge of Parkhead

A: So they have Something to lift at the end of the season.



Q: How many Septic fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.